Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
why do cheetos always look like penises
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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