I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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