I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
