okay pat passed out under dana's car
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Randomize
