Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
