So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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