And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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