My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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