I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
