Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
