Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
