I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
