you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
