I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
