Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
