I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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