i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i think i just lost a toe
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
