Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
