I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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