Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
