mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
