I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
