The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
