he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
