And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
