Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
