well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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