All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
