There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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