So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
