The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
