are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
