marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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