hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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