He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
