Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
