I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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