I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
