i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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