Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
