it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
