she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
