I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
