I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
