Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sober January is a disaster.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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