if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
