Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
