oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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