i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
