the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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