This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
