If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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