You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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