sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
