Heybabeimwearingurpanties
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
